WAIT!

Before I go back to studying/homework, I found two more adorable pictures of my Nana:

These pictures are from Rachel's confirmation last Fall when I was staying with them.
I took the picture and he wasn't smiling...but his face was so adorable that I didn't think I had to re-take it.

(and now I am in tears)

Sorry blogger...

I think that if blogs had feelings, mine would feel hurt, neglected, and a little bit angry with me.
Anyway, want a quick update about me?
Here you go:

Started my 3rd year at UTM and its great minus my bi-weekly freakouts about my future and crap like that. I kinda have to decide on where I am going after next year. I THINK I am going to New York to do my masters and then I definitely want to go overseas after that. If not, I am going to go to teacher's college here in Ontario (I already looked up the requirements, etc. for that). My classes this semester are awesome (although I am not too fond of East Asian history) and I have a few classes with my good friends :)

In terms of the drama that is my life, the most major thing that happened was the passing of my Nana (we say Nana for Grandfather and Nanee for Grandmother). I am still a bit in shock about it seeing as he was supposed to come visit Canada the day before he died...he had his suitcase packed and ready. The last conversation we had was great - he wasn't critical of me, he said I looked pretty and he said he was looking forward to visiting so we could give his feet a pedicure.

Nana & Nanee

The End.


OH! Oh you want to know about things in the T department, right? Oh. I thought I was going to get away without having to talk about that one...

Well, if you must know...we are...um...friends. Yes. Shocked? You should be.
I am currently in shock. It's hard to convince someone so stubborn that it's not going to work out. He thinks I am trying to punish him but honestly, I really am trying to make things right. He is my best friend but we just aren't right for each other in any other way. If we were, things would've worked out before. He hurt me really bad and I can't get over it to the point that I would want to be with him again as anything more than a friend. I'm just waiting for him to start seeing someone else. T, you know I love you...that's why I want you to be happy!

Me & T.

In the meantime, my love-life is non-existent...unless you count my affairs with Tim Horton's coffee and Starbucks frap.

keeping busy

I feel so awful because the summer is almost over and I spent the majority of it crying and not wanting to go out because of how depressed I was. The exception to that was, as always, going out with Erin - without her I probably would have shriveled up and turned into an old woman.

Other activities include going to the Aquarium with my family so that I could celebrate Shark Week - I love that they decided we could go but I decided against going in the shark tank because it was waaay too expensive! I also almost gave my mother a heart-attack numerous times as I reached above the tank and scrambled up to take pictures of the sharks & Jaws, the giant sea-turtle.

And, last night I went out for Anthony's birthday dinner. I spent the majority of the time there talking to Melissa as we rolled our eyes and lamented the fact that we were 20 and she was the designated driver for the night. I'm glad he liked my gift, though - the make-out cologne that I almost kept for myself even though its a men's fragrance.

Saturday I have a date with the wonderful Erin so I am hoping it doesn't rain and Sunday I am supposed to go canoeing with Tree, my brother, and his girlfriend.

So far, keeping busy is kinda working in the T. department but not really...

I want to curl up and die.

Even though I was crying,
he hung up the phone on me.

Funny People

Went to see 'Funny People' with Erin-my-love last night and it was very good!
Kinda sad because we were supposed to take the kids to the Aquarium today but I slept in & so did Josh & my mother has been on the phone all morning. The kids are my Mamoo's this weekend and then they head off to New Jersey..maybe we will see them later and take them to the movies.

Also, I talked to Tony last night & we went back to being nice.
He's hard to stay mad it.
I just get upset because he says he is going to call & that he misses me
and I get excited about that...
And then, he never does and it crushes me even more.

It doesn't help that my family doesn't want me to come back home next summer because I've been sulking all summer over Tony...
It's depressing and lonely to know that no one wants me anymore.

So, cross your fingers that I get to see the kids today because they always cheer me up :)

The Good, The Bad, & The Dairy

Well, after sleepless nights, sweaty hands, and frustrating email exchanges
I just lashed out at Tony and decided that I'm just not good at pretending NOT to be mad at him.
I'm mad.
I'm sad.
I'm jealous that he can just easily forget me and thinks that we can be friends.
Well I can't.
I can't and I don't believe that he thinks he didn't do anything wrong!
He knows exactly how much he hurt me.
And he hasn't done anything to make me want to be his friend.
That's the bad.

The good is that maybe this time I will get over him...
I mean, at least I can be mad with him and then not want to be with him...
whereas if we were friends and I just kinda gave in and asked him to take me back.

The dairy is just something I want to brag about...haha
I (unknowingly) entered a contest for a free cheesecake and I won!
I wrote a poem and tweeted it and then today (National Cheesecake Day)
I found out that I'll be receiving my cheesecake come Tuesday or Wednesday!
I'm so excited!!
(I never win anything...)

Also, I am looking forward to this weekend because I am taking the kids to Atlantis with my parents.
It's this great aquarium in Riverhead and it has this feature where you can be lowered into a shark tank in a cage! I'm totally doing that (those guys are well fed so its no big deal) because its something I always wanted to do. <3

Take an oath.

Well, tomorrow morning (bright & early) I am leaving for Canada.
Can you imagine what that 10 hour drive with my parents is going to be like?
Terrible, huh?

I was thinking how strange it is that all summer I could not wait to be close to you (T.) & just have you next to me. Tomorrow I will be so close to you (according to map quest) but in my heart you've never been farther away.
I can't believe I thought this would work.
I can't believe I still kind of want it to...
But I know it won't & I've been hurting all summer.

Have fun in Ohio.
Drive safe, ok?
I love you.
Actually, I'm not sure.