Send me a sign, a hint, ANYTHING!

You would think that I'd have dried up by now after crying over this every night for months.

Things that SHOULD be on my mind instead of the drama and sadness that currently is:
1) Finding a job (applied to the YMCA Summer Camp, hopefully I'll get to be a counselor - other than that, I am having no luck with the job search since I have no car for far places and I can't afford a tuxedo for the catering job)

2) Getting in shape (I was using the livestrong my plate thing to monitor my calories...but while it was shocking and depressing to see what I eat and what it does to my body, it wasn't really stopping me from not eating for two days and then eating one meal a day and things that were not too healthy for me. I mean, I am eating salad but its got all the fatty fixings and the one meal a day thing is wreaking havoc on my already badly trained metabolism. In my defense, I am going to the gym Wednesday & Friday mornings.)

3) Being productive in regards to helping out at home (Ok, I make sure the dishes get done everyday but usually just at the last minute before my mom comes home. Basically I am just frozen on the couch. Not only is it a scary sight to behold - me in pajamas with serious frizz issues - but its killing my brain and my spirit. Being unemployed is highly depressing and only heightens my feelings towards Tony themed drama)

4) Spending quality time with family & friends (Of course I've seen Erin and chilled with my family, but other than that I have no money to go out with friends - see lack of job AND my heart just isn't in it because of the above mentioned drama thats preoccupying my mind - see posts from Christmas break and experience a deja-vu if you will.

5) I can't think of a fifth goal but I will - not because I have five but because my OCD brain likes things to be in proper lists and you can have three or five but you can't stop at four...it just looks too strange.

Instead of these five (really four, maybe the fifth one can be thinking of a fifth goal to focus on) my heart is mainly concerned with fixing the drama in my life (a drama that my friends are sick of hearing about, but there it is).
Is there really a problem? Is there really drama?
Can I just blame YOU for my unhappiness and our unsuccessful relationship?
OR
Am I creating drama because ultimately I don't want to be with you anymore?
I can't decide if I love you or not.
I know that I DID love you before this rift happened between us.
But now I don't know if I am with you because I LOVE you or because I don't want to be ALONE.
And, with you so busy all the time (too busy to make an effort to talk to me), I have no help in making up my goddamn mind about whether I want to be with you or not.
EVERYONE thinks that we should never have gotten back together.
BUT, we did.
Why?
I need a sign.