WHAAAAT?

Why is she listed as in a relationship again??
Could she have found someone new already?
Is she doing this just to torment me??
Or is he still lying to me...

UGH. What a thing to see to keep me up all night.

I'm no Ezra Pound!

In another random burst, I'd like to add:

I have resolved to be direct with what I feel/want (but discreet) versus making things obscure.
No more ultimatums where I threaten you with something or I quiz you and make bets until things work out in my favor.
I've learned that most often, they never do.
So, if you are a shitty boyfriend I will tell you why I feel this way versus threatening to break up with you and then never following through.
I don't need to obscure things, I am not Ezra Pound for God's sakes.
So why do I do that?
Why do I make up little ultimatums in my head?
"If he kisses me in the next 5 minutes I will forget he ever kissed another girl"
Am I insane?

Anyway, I am not basing our relationship on these ultimatums or wishes at 11:11.
I love you, and you say you love me.
You are the only guy who makes me happy.
That's all I need.

Suitcase Reduction Timez

I am almost done with everything that I needed to get done...I just have to finish packing (and unpacking since I have waaaay too much stuff) and then double check my list.

I am happy to be going home but at the same time I am sad because I will miss Etoiles <3 and I will miss Tony.
I am also still upset about the fact that he won't block her on MSN. It makes me self-conscious. I know I can't stop him from talking to her and I need to let it go, plus she made it clear that she doesn't want to be with him...but I have the horrible little voice in my head telling me that the only reason he has her on MSN and Facebook is because he wants to be with her (and creep her profile, etc).

Tony, are you not happy with me?
Are you mad because I somehow coax you into driving me into the city or all the way to Brampton?
I am thankful for everything you did for me in the past couple of weeks.
I made you take me on all these crazy errands and help me study for my exams.
I wish I had more time to spend with you before I go back to New York but tomorrow is our last day.

I also wish I could bring Etoiles with me, but our summers are already set.
I am looking forward to our big Fourth of July thingy & I can't wait for my birthday (20!!)

Anyway, I am rambling on and on when I should be more productive. I need to finish the laundry people!
Ugh, the Josephine thing is still bugging me though. He says he will take her off but I know he won't.
It's the thing in the drawer, you think you've tucked it away but it keeps rattling OR you forget about it for a little bit and then one day you are looking for your keys or a paper clip, just rummaging through the collective junk of your life and then BAM there it is. It was waiting there the whole time. You can't forget about it because it won't let you.

The Good, The Bad, and The Sleepy

Let's start with the GOOD that is on my mind right now:

JOSEPHINE CHANGED HER RELATIONSHIP STATUS.
Ahem, that means that me talking to her actually helped and she has finally made me feel better about my relationship with Tony. And you guys thought I was crazy jealous psycho girlfriend...haha, ok so I kinda was.

Plus, despite the crazy wind and freezingness of this afternoon, I actually had a good time at the HSS picnic and I did my political duty by meeting the prof's and showing the rest of the council that I can brave the windy weather and be dedicated to the society as is required of me. P.S. Darsh helped a bunch by staying with me even though it was freaking cold outside ( I love you boo <3 )

Now, the BAD that is plagueing me:

Tony blew me off this weekend and that was lame since there was a bunch of stuff I could have done instead but I wanted to spend time with him since I am leaving on Friday :(
Oh well, he promised to make it up to me by driving me to Toronto to go to the Dentist (UGH, also BAD) and hopefully we do something fun tomorrow since its supposed to be beautiful outside.

Also BAD is the fact that I have one more exam still: the dreaded ENG 252 (Canadian Lit) that was not the most exciting class and was actually my least favorite this semester. It's on tuesday and then I am all set for summerrr.

And, lastly, the SLEEPY:

Here I sit, after having eaten a lot of picnic food & after watching 27 dresses for the gazillionth time.
I have the -itis.
I want to curl up in bed and sleep but I know I can't for the following reasons:

1) I need to make a revised TO DO list so I remember to go to the Police Station tomorrow, call back Christ the King, etc.
2) I need to make a review sheet for ENG 252 so that I can study it between today and tomorrow
3) I am thinking about looking nice tomorrow so that maybe Tony will feel very guilty about this weekend but this means that yes, I will have to wake up early and shave my legs! I don't want him to think I am Chewbacca!

So, review sheet time! And then it is beddy bye for Diana Shamdai <3

Phase One complete.

Well, she added me on MSN and I sent her some offline messages but I have yet to talk to her...
I know, you are thinking that I am nuts and I need to let this go - but I seriously can't!


Today I finished my second exam (of four) and it was ok, I really hope I end up with an A in German.

I had the BEST nap today. Seriously.
I don't know how I ended up sleeping for 3 hours, but I did and it was great.
Tomorrow I am going to study for Brit Lit.
I'm not too worried about that one though because Scoville is a reasonable marker.

My To Do list is rearing its ugly head again since I am going home next week and there is still a lot of stuff that I have to get done.
Hopefully I can check off 'update criminal record check' tomorrow (aka I am going to plead with Tony to take me to the Police station)
The people at Christ the King are really awesome and I have a 90% chance to volunteer there next September with an 8th grade class. I just need that thing updated first.

Also,

I would like to mention that my Uncle Dave passed away on April 20th.
Please keep my Aunt and my cousins in your prayers.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I love you so much Uncle Dave, may angels lead you in.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

To my favorite blog creeper...

...I love you.
You are very sneaky and bad.
I am trying to fight with you and you start quoting my blog about 'Halo'
You are a bad kid.
I can't wait to see you tomorrow and cuddle up.
I promise I won't fight you and I will let you sleep and I will draw on your back and scratch it and do that thing where I tell a story and my character picks flowers and runs through the woods, etc.

Thanks for the lovely chocolate croissants and for putting up with my crazy picture taking.
And for still loving me despite the fact that I am on drugs...the 'Special Golden Bunny Documentary Video' - haha
Good luck on your exam and quit creeping my blog!



(Darsh, if you're reading, you are my favorite too and I love you the best <3)


P.S. I am finished with Diasporic Literature! One exam down, three to go!!!
P.P.S. I ought to get cracking on my German now!
P.P.P.S. Darsh, hurry up and come home from class, I made you an iced cap. :)

I might make things worse...

...but I sent Josephine a request to be added on her MSN list.
I want to talk to her so that I know she is not still with him.
I know, I have serious trust issues.
But I told Tony I did it so its not like I am going behind his back and contacting her.
I just hope she is reasonable and that she hears me out.
I want reassurance - not more confusion.
AND, I want to make sure its done.

I just want to be happy again.
Just me and Tony.


Now every time a little blue notification box pops up on the bottom of my screen, I jump because I think its her.
OH PMS! Why do you lead me to do crazy things?

"The regrets are useless"

Yikes

I keep going crazy on Tony (its the PMS I swear!) about Josephine.
He wants to just forget about her and enjoy the last few days we have together but I can't stop thinking about her and why she hasn't been on Facebook or why she hasn't changed the fact that she is in a relationship...

I know she's ok since she has sent him messages on msn...
I hate this.
Why did this happen?
I want to just forget about it and be happy.


UGH. Where's the sun? Where's it hiding?
Maybe if it comes back then I can get over this and stop going AWOL.

I'm trying to make the walls tumble down, baby.
I can see your halo.

Mr. Sun! Come back!

Ok, yesterday was great because I spent the day with Tony.
I was highly mortified that he failed to tell some of his family that he invited me to Jonathan's first communion, and then I was just nervous to be around them but all in all we had a nice lunch (yummy Salmon and wine <3)

After that, Tony went golfing with his brother and his cousin and the girls all went out to the movies to see 17 Again...
I know, first Hannah Montana and now a movie starring Zac Efron. What is my life becoming?
Needless to say, the movie was funny and afterwards we got to chill at Tim Hortons doing the usual reeking havoc thing and talking about greasy and or hairy people in the facility.

Today, I went to church (even though I was hoping not to have to teach Sunday School today) and it was ok...
I had 6 kids in my class running around but Shane was there to help me and Tony came and rescued me and we made bacon so that was fun :)

I reaaaally hope tomorrow isn't freezing. I miss yesterday's beautiful weather.
Tony is supposed to take me to the carnival tomorrow too :(

Tuesday is my first exam... I kinda want them to be over with but at the same time I am not too keen on leaving just yet.

plunder my dungeon?

great day, exhausted, will blog in detail tomorrow...







OH! but here are some enticing highlights (so I don't forget):

Christina: "And we saw that the Easter Bunny had a fake bum!"

Cassandra: "And we saw the man's underwear!" "Why are you laughing at me? It's not funny!"

Darsh: "Yellow, ...."
Shivani: "Wait, what? I don't get it. Are you calling me jaundice?"



nighty night all <3

We all live in a yellow submarine!

Today was great seeing as the weather is FINALLY nice! - But I did have one little meltdown...pms and all that.

I seriously need to lose a lot of weight. Forreal.
This summer, after exams, after I get home to NY, I resolve to lose a lot of weight.
I know its lame to say I am waiting until I go home, but hear me out:

Firstly, when I go to work in NY I eat on time, I pack healthy food, and I eat breakfast (because of my lovely mother who makes me) - these are all things that I don't do here and therefore my metabolism sucks. Instead of eating at home, I eat junk with Tony since his house has chocolate milk and oreos and he can eat a burger everyday and still stay skinny and nice. (Stupid soccer-playing boys!)

Secondly, when I am in NY I go to the gym ALL THE TIME. It's like our family bonding or something...I have a gym at school but I never go because I don't want to go alone, and I have no good girlfriend to go with. (excuses, excuses, I know)

Thirdly, its a realistic goal to set it until I get home because I will be hanging with Tony all next week as we study hxc for exams and inevitably we will be going out and eating.

HOWEVER, I am not going to just pig-out until May 1st and tben suddenly crash diet myself. I am cutting back a lot and I am going to be walking/running outside a lot this week since it is super lovely outside <3

Bank...check, Doctor's appt....check!

I feel so accomplished today!
I checked off more stuff on my TO DO list - mainly thanks to Tony who toted me around all day and took me on my errands/to my doctor's appointment

The day started out hectic, especially since I was awakened at the crack of 8:00 by the horrible phone.
I then proceeded to join my Uncle in hunting down Auntie Raj and the crazy Camry that likes to break down in such exotic places (like the Tim Horton's parking lot).

After that, I met up with Tony and got my shit done!
All I have to do now is update my Police check and call up the schools that I want to volunteer at.

Oh, and I have to ask Mamoo to drive me to the dentist.
OH! Aaaand I have to study for exams, find something to wear on Saturday, print and prep my Sunday School lesson, finish the laundry, clean my room, and pack for NY...

fuuuuck. My list is a never ending entity, isn't it?

Oh well, I cracked into it at least.

this always makes me LOL.

Five “Web 2.0″ ways to break up with your boyfriend

March 18th, 2008

1. add unflattering Flickr tag, “Fat asshole with a unibrow”
2. change Facebook status to “He’s literally dead to me”
3. web widget counts up days since your last climax (currently: “193″)
4. share Zoho spreadsheet to split up MySpace friends
5. decline to participate in Series B round of affection

Halo

Today was great despite the fact that I haven't seen Tony in days and that sucks.
Chef Shiv and I made a fantastic seafood lunch and we just finished dessert so now I am really happy and peaceful.

Tomorrow starts my hxc studying program - but there will definitely be time for hug ups with my guy <3
I can't believe the year went so fast.

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

P.S. I am seriously Omegle addicted and I think D.P. is too. Uh oh.

Life is good. Everyone just overreacts...even me.

Well, tomorrow is the last day of our little Easter weekend break thingy.
It was fun, the girls and I hung out with all the Singhs - just driving around aimlessly, randomly buying McDonalds, renting movies, and playing in the park with the littluns.

This morning the gang went back to NY and the girls and the littluns all went to the movies.
I have to admit, I reaaaaaaally loved the Hannah Montana movie...
I know, crazy stuff yeah? It must have been the hot cowboys hanging around :)



Anyway, I am feeling kinda blue because I haven't heard from Tony today and he usually cheers me up when I am sad.
And, I am feeling kinda sad because apparently I fail at life and no one loves me anymore.
It sucks.

I need to remember this:

!!!

Ok, so he even let me send a message to her (posing as him) saying that WE are together and that THEY are not...but she hasn't answered yet...

Still, I am elated. I am so happy and full of love. It sucks to think that I am leaving at the end of the month.

He's out and about and I am down and out...

firstly, this is stolen from Didi Darsh (aka my fat hobo):

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the one worth suffering for."
- Bob Marley

secondly, I am really cranky about this whole Josephine thing - ok, cranky is an understatement.
How can we move on together as a couple when all I can think about is her and the fact that she thinks you are her boyfriend...I am greedy and selfish! I want a boyfriend that is a REAL boyfriend and that I have all to myself.

IF, for one minute, I thought I could find someone to replace you I would do it because I feel awful right now.
Send me a sign.
A REAL SIGN.

Last time I begged for this you were with her...at that very moment.
Maybe its too late.

I can't wait to move out so I can go out with my boo <3

This girl is getting on my nerves...

YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.

I know I should just be happy that we fixed things and that we are together again...
but I hate the fact that she thinks you are still with her.
Her stupid Facebook status is bugging me.

Anyway, I have to worry about getting my lesson ready for Sunday School tomorrow &
studing for my German test that is on Monday.

Tony is at a birthday party and I am stuck home (as per usual)
doing laundry and blogging.


I am happy agaaaaaaaaaain with Tony <3
(but its his fucking fault that I am so bipolar in these blogs and that she still thinks she is with him...lying mo fo)

Willows whiten, aspens quiver...

She hath no loyal Knight and true,
The Lady of Shalott.

I hope its really true this time.
Don't let La Belle Dame Sans Merci fool you, and don't fool me again.
I always wish that the Lady of Shallot gets her wish in the end.
I want her Knight to ditch Gwen, turn around on his horse, and call up to Elaine in the tower.
I hope that we are back together for good because I love you a lot.
(Even though Arthur was noble and Lancelot was just good looking...haha jk)

She took me to her elfin grot,
And there she wept, and sigh'd fill sore
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.

Angel

Today was blahh, I was semi-excited to be out of the house since the girlies had off today :)
But, I was horribly disappointed when all I did was chill outside the room at the doctor's office, and then lurked at the mall...I was hoping we could do something fun on their day off.
The mall is super depressing when you see beautiful things you can't buy, beautiful people you can't be, and happy couples that make you anxious and upset.
I am hoping things can go back to how they were before with me and Tony - and that they can get better.
I just wish she could disappear from his life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was also sad because it has officially been a whole year since we lost one of the most amazing people in the world.
We love and miss you Mams <3


R.I.P Indira Singh
7/2/68 - 4/2/08

April Fools!

I am a fool...and not just because it is April 1st.
I am still chasing after someone who is clearly lying to me about his intentions.
If you want to be with me you have to stop talk to her...and stop letting her think that you are together.
Ok, you are ignoring her now...but its not throwing her off in the slightest.
SHE STILL THINKS YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER AND SHE WONT THINK OTHERWISE UNLESS YOU TELL HER.

I know what you think she is going to do if you ditch her and that you don't want that on your conscience.
BUT, if you don't show me that you are fixing this thing between us THAN I am going to be gone forever.

I know you are busy.
But the clock is ticking.
It might already be too late.

"Do you love me today?"
"No more secrets"
"Secrets are my life"